I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
