Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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