Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
