Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Please don't give away my fajitas
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