I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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