I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
