Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I skipped work to stalk him.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
