tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
