i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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