I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Two words: blizzard sex
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
