Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
