she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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