how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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