pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm bleeding and have questions
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
