Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
