1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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