dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
