Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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