He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
