When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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