she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
