HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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