White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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