If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Everclear isn't food dammit
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
