I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
