So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
