I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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