omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
