I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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