I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
