It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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