I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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