I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
