so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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