Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
