i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
