We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
