The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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