i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
