when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
