Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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