I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
