i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
