His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
