Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
