so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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