I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
is that a dick in a sweater?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
