I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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