Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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