He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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