lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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